It's primary election day where I live, but despite that, I was hoping to do a reading today without any political baggage. I really was hoping.

But today's cards are the Ten of Cups and the King of Wands.

A tarot card depicting a happy family under a magical rainbow full of gold cups, and another card featuring a stern monarch.

Let's be honest for a second. The premise of this "bad tarot reading" bit is that a wealthy white guy starts making decisions for you despite the fact that he has no prior professional experience in the field he's blundered into. This was always going to be political.

But come on. Just look at this. On the left, a family experiencing a storybook happy ending. Rainbow. Kids dancing. There's certainly singing going on. This is the moment when the camera is pulling back, revealing a world where joy and order have been restored, just before the credits roll.

And on the right, a tyrant glaring, saying to himself, "Those people are having too much fun. Something will have to be done about that."

This writes itself, doesn't it? You could take the political figure you hate most today, drop them into the role of the King of Wands, and you immediately know why they've decided to ruin the lives of that family. Makes you mad, right? You're already shaking your fist. Grr!

But maybe we shouldn't do that. Let's do a positive message instead. Let's say that the protagonist here is actually the King. This is the moment where, encouraged by his scrappy salamander sidekick, decides to abandon the life of totalitarian monarchy and go dance with the townsfolk. "Surely," he says, "those ten magical golden cups are an omen. I will give power back to the people and start a new life as the owner of a soda fountain counter."

See, it's the Middle Ages, and we still had soda fountain counters then.

So the message is "Ask yourself whether you're the villain in an animated kids' movie, and if you are, stop it." Or maybe it's just "If you have the freedom to take some time off work, maybe do it once in a while, because an unused vacation day is a sad thing." That's pretty non-political, right?

Oh, and I'm not doing the flying-French-toast IPO after all. The market, you know. Maybe next year.

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