Keelhaul
She came back into the house and told me
there's a dead pirate lying out in the yard
I went out with her
and looked at the corpse
and asked
how can you tell it's a pirate?
She pointed at the tricorn hat
the eye patch
the peg leg
and the brass telescope
So while I put a tarp in the back of the truck
she did some Googling on her phone
Apparently
ever since Amazon opened that new distribution center
there have been pirates sailing up and down US-31
preying on delivery vans
I got the body in the truck
and we went out to the waste and recycling center
where the guy at the booth asked us
whatcha got?
and we said
pirate
and he said
just the one?
and we said
yeah
so he said
bin 17
that'll be five bucks
Later that night
after we had gone to bed
we could hear
faintly in the distance
a rowdy crew singing yo ho ho
and the roar of a cannon